Part of living in this small of a town means 3/4 of the kids you start school with will be with you when you graduate. One would think that would mean everyone would be friends but even a class of 50 divides off into cliques. I hate that. This is the year that C's class is beginning to divide. I hate watching him struggle as I remember so well what that was like having to choose.
There was a girl in my class who was very nice but she didn't make the cut when the popular girls formed their little group. The reasons why arent important now but I remember one girl coming up to me and saying "Are you going to sit with us or her?" Let's see... sit with some mean little ------- or sit with a friend? Easy choice for me. I sat with a friend and was immediately culled from the herd. I still believe that was a good choice and I'd make it again but it made my teenage years so very difficult.
This morning I asked C. about the current breakdown of his friends. A couple of the familiar names were missing and when I pressed further, he said "Mom, they are just hateful and mean" and proceeded to tell me some of the nasty things they say about people less fortunate than themselves.
So here I am again only this time in a guidance role. I do NOT want C. to travel down the hard road I chose. On the other hand, I will not allow him to be a hateful little shit just so he can be popular.
Another parent pointed out to me that she thinks C. and some others are peeling off the mean boys from their popular clique but I don't know about that. I have to be careful not to read too much of my high school experience into C's life but at the same time, I can't afford to be blindsided by a complete friend change and all that comes with that. My poor mom didn't see it coming when it happened to me.
More on this later maybe... right now it's time to get ready for work.
Comments (2)
Yeah...
Posted by dan | May 17, 2004 10:35 PM
Posted on May 17, 2004 22:35
I'm proud of C for picking friendship over popularity. I think it says really good things about him and his mother unit that he's able to say that they are mean and hateful and to be able to be like, "fuck that, ma!" - it's a life lesson that will serve him well. Even though I'm not really friends with many of the people I picked in high school - at the time choosing friendships over any kind of popularity got me much further than choosing popularity. (Of course, it helped that I was considered the school freak but whatever.) Also, I think a really important distinction he's making is NOT picking on OR judging kids that seem less fortunate. So many fuckers (so sorry about language but sometimes that's just how it is and candy-coating is just not worth it) can't look beyond that bs. It's funny how many "less fortunates" end up kicking complete and utter ass. I'm glad he's aware that just because someone *can* be viewed as "less fortunate" that doesn't mean they should be viewed as such.
I think there are kids that are perfectly willing to be sheep and then there are kids that have far more going on mentally. Better to have some common sense and smarts going on than to have a kid that follows. Even if that path can get and be hectic and emotionally draining. The rewards far outweigh the perceived trauma in my mind. Also, adolescence sucks ass no matter what. Better to face it head on (and praise your preferred g-d that you are no longer there). hahahaha.
Posted by maggie | May 17, 2004 10:43 PM
Posted on May 17, 2004 22:43