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Life is not a struggle

I used to say that a lot in my 20s. Life is not a struggle. It's a wiggle.

Life in my 30s has proven to be quite the struggle. I don't believe in luck, catching a break, or that kind of thing. I think you reap what you sow, get back what you put out, make your own destiny.

As I speed towards 40 I have to question all of these philosophies now. We are good people. We put our children first, we give of ourselves, we do right by everyone. I try to keep a smile on my face and a positive attitude.

But seriously, how long will there be days when the truck keys are lost so I can't get checks to the bank, the insurance premium comes out too soon, the imac gift from the boss comes with an unknown password and no OSX cd to reset it, the house refinance company needs $600 for an appraisal, the car can't get fixed because they need it two weeks and it's Todd's daily driver, the paint won't stick to the garage properly because of the cool weather - yet the garage has to be painted before winter, etc. These are just the things that I'm willing to share here in this public place. There's so much more. I am tired of life on the slippery slope. It's not where I wanted to be at this age.

A great deal of the struggle is in facing these things and not lighting up a cigarette. Juggling everything and fighting to keep it from interferring with my work. This is where the true struggle lies. Not letting the whole train come off the tracks.

Yes, it could be worse. Outside of my headaches, insomnia and stupid things like that, we have our health. Please God do not take that. Our kids are happy and strong and well taken care of. I am proud of my accomplishments as a parent.

In closing, the good thing: I did not smoke today. That's a year and a half now for those keeping track of such things.

Now back to bed with myself. I hope I can sleep now that I've dumped more than you ever wanted to know here.