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A birthday story

Thirteen years ago I was pregnant and due somewhere around July 12th. The temperature was hovering right at god awful hot and I decided I needed to paint the porch. I worked that day and then told everyone I was going home to paint. An elderly friend said I'd have that baby in 24 hours if I couldn't resist the urge to paint when it was 100 degrees outside. She was right.

I painted the porch until Christopher's dad came home and took the brush away from me. He had to go to a bachelor party so I agreed to go in and take it easy. I phoned a friend and was having a marathon conversation when I stood up and my water broke. Freaked me out!! This was back before anyone around here had cellphones and the bachelor party was out in the country near another town. I called the doctor and he said I had an hour at most before I needed to check in. Normally the ex would have stayed out all night but I think God tapped his shoulder and said "Go home, buddy." He showed up just a couple of minutes before my hour deadline.

At the hospital my doc informed us all that it would be a day or two at most and sent the grandma's home. Boy, was he ever wrong. Four hours after they put me in bed I rang the nurse and told her it was time. She said "Yup, you're right." Too late for any pain medication so I got to show off the tough stuff I'm made of. Six hours after my water broke we were parents to Christopher. He was so early that he didn't have fat on his butt yet so he had no butt crack. Other than that he was perfect.

Now he's a teenager. God help us all.