JustLisa

I've been thinking about this lately. Do shallow people ever truly love anyone but themselves? And really, do they even love themselves? What happens to them as they are growing up to make them that way? As I take more time to support the school and various kids in their sports and church activites and whatnot, I see people from all age groups who are so busy being righteous and judgemental and well, shallow, that they miss out on life and the wonderful people in it.

I have not had a good father's day since my dad passed away in 1999 and each year gets harder. This morning while getting C. ready to go spend the day with his dad, my emotions came bubbling to the surface. I do get frustrated with the relationship between C. and his dad. It's not all that could be or should be but I can't fix that. It reminds me of the years I wasted with my dad. We didn't get the kinks worked out until he was sick and I was his caretaker.

At any rate, I was trying to hold it together and then this song came on the radio and I lost it. It brought to my attention that it's not just today, but rather events of every single stinkin day that I have to just deal with and move on. Sometimes it feels like I'm going to drown in it.

Bring on the Rain
Jo Dee Messina

Another day has almost come and gone
Cant imagine what else could go wrong
Sometimes Id like to hide away somewhere and lock the door
A single battle lost but not the war (cause)

Tomorrows another day
And Im thirsty anyway
So bring on the rain

Its almost like the hard times circle round
A couple drops and they all start coming down
Yeah, I might feel defeated,
I might hang my head
I might be barely breathing - but Im not dead

Tomorrows another day
And Im thirsty anyway
So bring on the rain

Im not gonna let it get me down
Im not gonna cry
And Im not gonna lose any sleep tonight

Thirteen years ago I was pregnant and due somewhere around July 12th. The temperature was hovering right at god awful hot and I decided I needed to paint the porch. I worked that day and then told everyone I was going home to paint. An elderly friend said I'd have that baby in 24 hours if I couldn't resist the urge to paint when it was 100 degrees outside. She was right.

I painted the porch until Christopher's dad came home and took the brush away from me. He had to go to a bachelor party so I agreed to go in and take it easy. I phoned a friend and was having a marathon conversation when I stood up and my water broke. Freaked me out!! This was back before anyone around here had cellphones and the bachelor party was out in the country near another town. I called the doctor and he said I had an hour at most before I needed to check in. Normally the ex would have stayed out all night but I think God tapped his shoulder and said "Go home, buddy." He showed up just a couple of minutes before my hour deadline.

At the hospital my doc informed us all that it would be a day or two at most and sent the grandma's home. Boy, was he ever wrong. Four hours after they put me in bed I rang the nurse and told her it was time. She said "Yup, you're right." Too late for any pain medication so I got to show off the tough stuff I'm made of. Six hours after my water broke we were parents to Christopher. He was so early that he didn't have fat on his butt yet so he had no butt crack. Other than that he was perfect.

Now he's a teenager. God help us all.