Silliness Archives

December 5, 2003

Friday Night Funny

A bear walks into a bar and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer.

The bartender approaches and says "We don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings, Montana."

The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer.

The bartender again tells him, "We don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings, Montana".

The bear, very angry now, says "if you don't serve me a beer, I'm going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar."

The bartender, once again, says, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings, Montana."

The bear goes to the end of the bar, and as promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer.

The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings, Montana, that are on drugs."

The bear says, "I'm not on drugs."

The bartender says, "Yes, you are, that was a barbitchyouate."

December 10, 2003

I've gone mad

Why am I watching Trista & Ryan's Wedding?

January 18, 2004

Tough Call

Colts vs. Patriots. Hmmmmm... I've never liked the Patriots. I don't have a reason for that. However, as I can remember my ex has said "This is the year of the Colts". When they get this close, his head swells. God knows he needs no help in the big head department.

Go Patriots!!!

January 25, 2004

I need to get out more

Found this on Metafilter

create your own visited states map
or write about it on the open travel guide

Continue reading "I need to get out more" »

February 7, 2004

Time for the yearly confession

I'm a redneck at heart. It's NASCAR season and I couldn't be happier. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!


YES!! DJ won!

How did I make it through last NASCAR season without smoking???

February 11, 2004

Ever seen a cat beg?

Ever seen a cat line up beside a dog and beg for cheese? Now you can. We have the weirdest animals.

February 23, 2004

Funny billboard

This was funnier when it said "Loosest Slots in Iowa" but I never had my camera then. Still, it's chuckle worthy I think - especially at 70mph.


March 6, 2004

Visiting Germans


This cutie is one of two schnauzers spending the weekend with us. This is the baby, the one I fully expected to keep me awake all night. Instead it was the older one dancing on the bed, whining at Dozer, tromping all over. Finally at 3AM Todd got up and put him in his crate at the other end of the house. The rest of the night he'd scream for ten minutes then rest for twenty. I say scream because it sure doesn't sound like a dog whining.

The cat is all out of sorts and Dozer needs his nap. The birds have been bumped every which direction as dogs come charging through. Todd's gone outside to work on his car and I'm popping Tylenol. We'll probably get it all sorted out about the time for them to go home tomorrow night.

March 10, 2004


Click the thumbnails for full size versions. The pic with Dozer in it doesn't even begin to show how much bigger he is than the other two. The larger one would stand on his back - the little one would walk underneath him. I think even though he was clearly annoyed by his guests, he misses them now that they are back home.

March 25, 2004

Mellow Yellow

Seen over at Deborah's, taken because what else is there to do at 7am?

Yellow Vibes
Your Energy is Yellow. You are generous, bright,
and expressive. An excellent communicator, you
keep your audience captivated with your
animated storytelling. Sometimes you talk too
much, but when you learn to listen you will be
sought out for your talents to advise.

The communications field appeals to you as a
profession. Public speaking, writing, radio,
acting or teaching would also be good career

What color is your energy?
brought to you by Quizilla

Continue reading "Mellow Yellow" »

April 3, 2004



Isn't she beautiful? I just love her hairdo. heh.

Yes, I am still sick. Obviously feverish.

April 12, 2004

Happy Birthdays to Us

Todd's birthday was Saturday. Mine is tomorrow. I didn't have a chance to get out and buy him anything so Emily and I concentrated on making him all of his favorite foods over the weekend. That seemed to work good for him.

I thought it was determined that no one had the time or money for gifts but tonight he comes in with presents. He says because it's my birthday tomorrow and he will not allow me to celebrate it without gifts. He got me a DeWalt sander in a nice case and a small finishing sander. Sounds weird I know but it's what I always say I want when we see them in Home Depot. I want to refinish furniture. (like I have time for that) I also say I want a new canister set and bread box for my countertop. And a dachshund.

I **REALLY** want a dachshund but we don't need any more pets. My mother, hellbent on paying me back for every stray I ever drug home, decided the kids needed Easter chickens. Live ones. Does this look like a freakin' farm??? Apparently.

The funny thing was when I finished my rant about "Who is going to take care of these? Where will they live when they get big and not so cute??". Mom said "Well, do you have some place to put them for now?" and I said "Yes. I'll have to drag that other aquarium out of the shed." Benjamin said "NOOOO!!!! LISA!!!! THEY CAN'T SWIM!!!"

Continue reading "Happy Birthdays to Us" »

May 13, 2004

For Faith

We kicked your ass!!!!

August 9, 2004

If ever I begged to differ

This story on cracked me up so bad. Cuddle parties? As if that's not enough to illicit a giggle, quoting from the article:

An introduction to cuddling ensues, first by hugging three people. People then get in a circle on their hands and knees, rub shoulders and moo like cows...

followed by:

Cuddle parties are intended for people who are emotionally sound. People in therapy or who are seeing a mental health professional are asked to consult their doctor before signing up for a party and to tell organizers of their situation.


September 6, 2004

Early morning email exchange

From: "Todd Savely"
To: "'Lisa Whirrett'"
Subject: Love you Sweetie
Date: Mon, 6 Sep 2004 05:23:17
Hope you slept well. See you this afternoon. Love you.


From: "Lisa Whirrett"
To: "Todd Savely"
Subject: Re: Love you Sweetie
Date: Mon, 06 Sep 2004 07:46:56
I was sleeping so hard this morning. Hard enough that one half of my body had
died from staying in the same position too long. Luckily, I have this dog who
doesn't want me to lie in bed and atrophy like that. The sound of dog vomit will make one leap from bed regardless of their condition.

November 24, 2004

The B Double D

Have you ever seen such a big, dumb dog? I just love pictures that show how enormous that dog truly is. We actually have one of Todd holding him that is so funny that it's in a frame for everyone to see.

P.S. If you see Dozer, don't let on like he's a big, big dummy. He thinks he's a cute little puppy still.

April 13, 2005

Never too geriatric to rock and roll

Almost forgot I wanted to mention this and how much it made me laugh. A couple of my friends were so excited to go see Motley Crue. I haven't received the official report on whether it was worth the outlandish ticket price or not but I did scour the Des Moines Register for a review. You can read it here. Now tell me, did this part of the article make you burst out laughing?
Guitarist Mick Mars may have hobbled around the stage with a noticeable limp, the result of hip-replacement surgery last year, but his trademark guitar solos never missed the mark.

July 4, 2005

Mark the time... 8:25AM

I am "unbreaking" my comments page. I have nothing better to do besides a parade, a picnic, a rodeo, and hook up with my out of town cousins. This is in addition to the dishes, laundry, and general housekeeping that follows a 3-kid weekend. I surely have time in there to clean up 1,000 spam comments. Let's just see how long it takes before the first 200 hit. Ready... set... go!

Update: It took 21 minutes for the spam to roll in. Comments are off again.

July 6, 2005

West Nile

If West Nile exists in our neighborhood, then I surely have it. My friend Lisa came over tonight and we took a walk then we started cutting little mulberry trees out of the big evergreen tree. That's how things happen here. One minute we could be washing windows and the next tilling up a garden spot we hadn't even talked about previously.

Continue reading "West Nile" »

July 23, 2005

I've been tagged

A certain Iowa bear tagged me to do this so here goes:

1. If you were a celebrity, what kind would it be (movies, tv, literature, crime, etc)?

Singer. I love to rap but I think giving my looks and midwestern twang, I'd probably better stick to being a country singer.

2. Which other celebrities would you make a concerted effort to try and be around?

Madonna. Cuba Gooding, Jr. Dustin Hoffman.

3. Which other celebrities would you avoid like the plague?

Anyone even remotely like Gilbert Godfrey.

4. Which celebrities would you date?

Keith Urban. John Mellencamp.

5. What would be your “Celebrity Cause”?

Raising money to find a cure for leukemia.

6. Since celebs always get off, what crime(’s) would you commit?

I guess I'd have to go with Mama Bear on her crusade to smack people who need it.

7. What would be the name of your tell-all book?

Yup, I Heard Ya'.

8. Tag 3 people to do this poll.


9. Link to the post that tagged you.

This Bear Bites

October 5, 2005

Can't sleep

So what better to do than take a quiz: (found at Les Jones)

Continue reading "Can't sleep" »

October 15, 2005

Doggie Schoolin'

Today we took Lucy to a bird dog training seminar. There were some really good looking dogs there but she was the only Weimaraner. I was afraid she'd get all dumb around a bunch of other dogs but when it was her turn to work some birds with the trainer, she did great. I stayed out of the way while Todd and the trainer took her out into the grass. The guys that I was standing with were commenting on her gorgeous point and how quickly she found the birds. They asked who had worked with her and it felt so good to say "Me." Granted, most of her talent is natural but I have at least an hour a day of training in her. Made me proud to watch her do so well.

Another thing that was good to hear was that the best thing to do with a bird dog is socialize them as part of the family, take them everywhere you go, let them play with the kids, etc. Lucy is always with us. Sometimes it's a pain because it really limits where we can go. It is so worth all of it to watch her turn into a great dog.

Soon Dozer will get his chance to go out and chase squirrels up trees. He needs it as he's gotten pretty plump this summer. The last time we went fishing he proved that he can still run REALLY fast for a fat dog. He's not afraid to charge through weeds taller than his head either. It's funny because he's so squatty that you can't see him; only the parting of the weeds as he cuts a path.

In other pet news, we came home to a tank full of dead fish tonight. I think the heater went off on a bender and forgot to shut off. Blah.

December 8, 2005

Lucy's Snow Face

Lucy Snow Face

She is such a fun dog! I threw her frisbee into the big bank of snow that the dude cleared from our driveway. She went head first after it.

April 5, 2006

Something to do instead of dishes

Seen at my darling P's so had to be done. Kinda funny. Kinda creepy.

Put your itunes on shuffle and answer these questions by hitting play after reading each one.

Q) How does the world see you?
A) Dreams - Fleetwood Mac

Q) Will I have a happy life?
A) Best I've Ever Had - Vertical Horizon

Q) What do my friends really think of me?
A) Time to Dance - Panic! At The Disco

Q) Do people secretly lust after me?
A) Things Could Only Get Better - Howard Jones

Q) How can I make myself happy?
A) Fly Away - FFH

Q) What should I do with my life?
A) Engine Engine #9 - Roger Miller

Q) Will I ever have children?
A) So Lonesome I Could Cry - Hank, Sr.

Q) What is some good advice for me?
A) Learn To Fly - Foo Fighters

Q) How will I be remembered?
A) Diseased - Seether

Q) What is my signature song?
A) Dum Diddly - Black Eyed Peas

Q) What do I think my current theme song is?
A) Silver Springs - Fleetwood Mac

Q) What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
A) Close My Eyes Forever - Lita and Ozzy

Q) What song will play at my funeral?
A) Enough of Me - Melissa Etheridge

Q) What type of men do I like?
A) under the Influence - Eminem

Q) What is my day going to be like?
A) I Disappear = Metallica

Weird, eh? The only thing I'm reading into this is that I have broad taste in music.

August 28, 2006

A Revelation

It's a dismal, rainy day here so I was met with static on the radio when I started the car at 6:50AM. I hit the seek button and pointed the Buick towards the school. There was some conversation between the boy and myself about how the belt from his football pants was wet because he left it on the porch in the rain. Water does have a tendency to make things wet. So we get that crisis solved and I let him out, give him the usual "Love you buddy. Have a good day." and point the Buick back towards home. In the peaceful ride home (the only peace I'll have until same time tomorrow) I realize that I'm listening to the farmers report on a little Missouri radio station. And I'm too tired to change it. I think this is how old people begin to listen to crappy radio stations that play golden oldies. They just get too damn tired to change the station.

January 14, 2007

This is pretty cool

TVNow lists the TV appearances for over 5,300 stars each month by searching TV Guide listings.

I am not ashamed to say I found this after watching Burt Reynolds / Smokey and the Bandit II (*I had that trans am) and wondering what Burt looked like nowadays. From Burt's website, I found the link.

Continue reading "This is pretty cool" »

"We watch Fox so you don't have to"

While looking for links to accompany my whinefest below, I found this site We watch Fox so you don't have to... That's funny because Todd comes in at night and will start spouting stuff he's heard on the radio all day. I'll say "Republican propoganda!!" and he'll say "Heard it on Fox news!" as if they are not biased. heh.

We interrupt this post for the following announcement paraphrased from NFL radio:


Yay!!! I so seriously cannot stand listening to football. I have got to have the visuals or my heart fails.

Emily cleaned the bathroom today. Like removed everything and cleaned each thing then put it all back together. I heard her lecturing her dad about rinsing the sink after shaving and how he could keep his shaving equipment in a certain spot and return it to that spot after use. Then she tore into the boys about how not to pee on the floor and the walls. "I hand washed YOUR pee from in front of the toilet!!"

The only thing she said to me was "Don't let this happen again", while wielding the dust encrusted toilet cleaning brush at me. I have a legit excuse. The dogs drink from the toilet so we no longer use chemicals and the brush to clean it.

Next we may tackle the cedar chest which is sorely in need of sorting and reorganizing.

January 26, 2007

Cat came home

That cat is the meanest cat I've ever had. I was soaking in the tub last night and he attacked me. I had to scrunch up against the far side and yell. If I'd come out of the corner, he'd try to get me again. He's just ornery as all get out. When I finally gave up and let him have the bathroom to himself, he stood on the edge of the tub and kept sticking his foot into the water as it was running out. When it was about an inch deep, he hopped in and laid down. Guess he just wanted his own hot bath.

In case you think I exaggerate about the psycho nature of said cat, I present:

Bucky attacks Lucy

Bucky attacks kid

See??? He's whacked! We still love him though.

January 28, 2007

Oh I need this!

Emily and I were listening to late 70s/early 80s music this morning and Styx came on. I told her I used to have the coolest Styx album that had the band logo on the actual album and it changed colors in the light. Found it! WANT!!! Not that I could play a record if I wanted to but that artwork and concept is still pretty neat.

There was also a Bob Seger album that had full color artwork on the album but I can't remember what that was. I only kept one of my many albums and that was John Mellencamp - Lonesome Jubilee. My ex took me to see that concert and oh wow. Best concert of my life.

Big surprise of the day was when Em didn't even ask about albums or records. Maybe they studied them in history. HA!

January 29, 2007

I could use a laugh

Found a new site of funny videos.

It doesn't have popup windows that I've seen. Huge plus with me! AND an announcement with accompanying video of the big news that Van Halen is coming back! Also you can find celebrity gossip if you're into that sort of thing. Prank calls? People still do that in this age of caller ID?

OOOPS! Just clicked the Games link to see what games were there and there was a popup so I guess they do use them after all. Oh well, go watch Van Halen and no smart ass comments about how old they are either!

February 2, 2007

Valentine's Day is coming

Free, funny Valentine's Day eCards on

I used to send egreetings all the time but they all started to seem lame. This one is really funny and all of the cards seem to have longer play time/more content. You can get a free 30-day trial membership to send unlimited cards. A yearly subscription is only $13.99 and you can schedule your eCard to arrive on a specific date. That would be really handy for me since I often remember someone's birthday is coming up, then totally space it off on the real day.

I had to search on "anniversary" to find anniversary cards. My best friend's 25th is coming up this month. Her hubby has internet at work but they don't at home. I wonder if I can save a card to a CD. On the legal page, it says " may allow you to create your own greetings by uploading your own photos, artwork and other materials". That would be really cool as I could upload their wedding picture.

Cartoon Site

I see a lot of cartoons when I am browsing around myspace and wonder where people find such things. Eva and her friends find the funniest ones but this cartoon is funny! So is this one:

Maybe this weekend I'll go around dropping cartoons into others comments. I hope this site loads some more cartoons on. Seems like I find something I like and it goes away very shortly. Kind of like Schwans food. If I like it, they discontinue it!

February 10, 2007


An encyclopedia with an entry for antique jewelry? Encyclocentral is a very interesting and almost confusing site of not-so-typical encyclopedia entries. The navigation consists of clicking a letter of the alphabet and it displays results in a very random order. You can also search but the random thing is what makes it interesting. For example, I am going to click the letter "C" and see what I get. Carpet Rug Binding Machines?? See? Not your typical encyclopedia.

February 15, 2007

Did you know?

I'm thinking of starting a new feature here called "Did you know?" In that space I would share things that I find out unintentionally. The first entry would go something like this:

Did you know that you can't wash construction paper? I found this out today when I was transferring clothes from the washer to the dryer. The first two items I pulled out were covered with a bright pink fuzzy film of some sort. The third item was covered with what seemed to be yarn fragments. I thought that kid had left something in his pockets again but the days of construction paper projects are way back in his past. I kept pulling out more and more gunked up clothing. Dark clothing, of course. Has to be dark to make it look worse than it is.

About halfway through the load, I realized what had happened. It was not the kid but rather his cat. Bucky. Now known as "that damn cat!!!!". He even looks ornery, doesn't he?


I have things from the kids in every room. The laundry room is no exception. Emily made a star thing from construction paper and glitter and her 1st grade picture. That is stuck to the cabinet so when I am loading the machines, I can see her cute face. I had a mobile hanging that Christopher made years ago out of construction paper and yarn. I don't even remember now which class it was or what was written on it but "that damn cat!!!" knocked it down and into the laundry pile, unbeknownst to me. Now I know that you cannot wash construction paper. This is the lint that came from the dryer on round one. I had to run it four times to get all the pink crap out.


February 24, 2007

The bad thing about the party

Cigarette smoke. blech. It's rapidly approaching four years since I had a cigarette and I never get the urge anymore. Now I am an annoying ex smoker who is irritated by smoke. Not mentally but physically. It burns my eyes and nose and makes my throat and chest hurt. I wish I could get all my friends to quit.

The good thing about the party

My best friend. I love her soooooooo much. You will never meet a happier person or more friendly person and I'm so lucky to have had her in my corner all these years.

The Hawaiin theme carried throughout the evening and into the surprise gift. Their daughter and son-in-law got them a trip to Hawaii. There's no one more deserving.

March 17, 2007

The Show

Today is the last day of The Show by Ze Frank. Every show had something in it that would make me laugh outloud, usually to the point of tears. Now I will have to find something to replace it. Where do you go for your daily laughs?

March 20, 2007

A headline not meant to be read with a headache

Delta Zeta Blames Media In DePauw Incident

Delta say wha?

Continue reading "A headline not meant to be read with a headache" »

April 14, 2007

I'm a pinky!

You Are a Pinky
You are fiercely independent, and possibly downright weird.
A great communicator, you can get along with almost anyone.
You are kind and sympathetic. You support all your friends - and love them for who they are.

You get along well with: The Ring Finger

Stay away from: The Thumb

**found at Just Another Pretty Farce

April 24, 2007

Name that 80s song

Playing name that 80s song with Todd as I flip through yahoo radio. He's pretty good except when he doesn't know, he says "That song sucks. Skip it!"

April 25, 2007

Mud, mud

So this dog has to chase frisbees regardless of the weather. Rain, hail, sleet snow. No matter. Oh, the rain. Lots of rain = lots of mud. And weimaraner feet are like plows through the mud. And the wind, it takes the frisbees in unintended directions. Like through the garden. And this dog, she just goes wherever in hot pursuit of her beloved frisbee. Even through the garden.


This was AFTER I wiped her off with the only thing I could find inside the door. Sorry about your shirt, Christopher.



May 6, 2007

Scary weather

That same weather system that leveled Greenburg, Kansas has also been wreaking havoc in Iowa. I was up at 5AM watching the weather ticker as it said our county should stay away from windows as high winds had flattened a barn in our area. The only injury I received was from holding the cat when lightning hit our transformer and the electricity went out. If you are holding a cat during a violent storm, they will use you as a launch pad when lightning hits. My belly button is peirced now.

Anywayyyyy, Todd noticed later this morning that our ceiling was leaking in the living room. It takes torrential rains blowing out of just the right direction to make this happen so we patch the fireplace chimney and cannot tell if it fixed it until years later when the right elements line up again. Well, it's not fixed and as a result, one of the moose got wet. (We've had moose on extended stay from Alaska and they sit in the living room watching all the goings on.)

I don't know what happens to rain soaked moose in Alaska, but in Iowa, we bathe them in Woolite.


May 19, 2007

Party Pics


Eva is big on hugging the people she loves. Not just hugging, but attacking by leaping. It's still cute even though she's a full grown adult now.


I have the best friends. The one on the left is Eva's mammy. On the right is her Auntie Lori. These two made her the awesome person she is.


She is a kisser and a licker too. heh.


Then she whispers creepy things and freaks people out. HELP!!

July 11, 2007

Vote for Lis!

This beautiful girl that I know is in the final five for a "Dream Date" sponsored by the Des Moines Juice - a trendy spinoff of the main paper. I've already asked my friends to vote for her and now I'm asking strangers. Friends who have already voted, you may please do so again and again every 24 hours until the contest ends.

Go here: and look at them all. Some are very cute and one has a pug which will catch Faith's eye BUT I'm lobbying for you to choose Elisabeth because she is gorgeous and funny and sweet and most deserving. Thanks!

July 22, 2007

I needed a laugh

This past week has been pretty emotionally draining for me so I'm kicking off this week with funny junk from Surprisingly, I've never heard this joke before. It's hard to find a church joke that isn't completely offensive or downright stupid. That one is cute. So is this funny video.

If you need a laugh, visit and check out the categories or browse the most popular.

Continue reading "I needed a laugh" »

October 18, 2007

Holy Cow!

Yesterday I took my walk on the walking trail and discovered the farm near us had moved new cows into the pasture on each side of the trail. I was walking along, talking to Todd, looking at the cows and saw one that looked just like the AE dairy cow statue in Des Moines. Weird site in a field of black cows and red cows.

This morning I checked the news and found that someone stole the smaller of the two AE cows from the dairy. This would be a really funny story if that had been the cow I saw in the pasture but they did find the fiberglass cow and the SUV that knocked it off it's pedestal and loaded it up to begin with.

October 20, 2007

Won't someone think of the vegetables?

Someone please tell me this Fishing Hurts campaign is a joke. From the site:

"Imagine using worms and flies to catch ... eagles and ospreys and hauling them around on 50 feet of line while they tried to get away. Then when you landed them, you'd release them. No one would tolerate that sort of thing with birds. But we will for fish because they're underwater and out of sight."—Jack Turner, former angler

Actually, that is tolerated and the accepted method to catch protected birds on airport property. Officers can't shoot them because they are protected. They can't leave them there for the planes to hit. So they trap them on cables and then take them somewhere else for release... only instead of worms and flies, they probably use meat. Oh dear. More unnecessary meat consumption.

Crazy PETA people got me wondering if anyone cared about the vegetables. I grow peppers and tomatoes and then I pick them from their life bearing stalk and I cut them up with a big freaking knife. Some pieces fall on the floor and I don't even give a damn. I just step on them as I prepare my pots of boiling water. I tune out the screaming as I toss their delicate fleshy bits into a 5 quart dutch oven and throw spices on them. The only tears I shed as I stir them are from forgetting my gloves while chopping the peppers. Weeks later when we open the jars to enjoy homemade salsa with our chips, we don't even pause to think of the vegetables sacrifice. We just eat like the heartless cowards we are.

There are people out there who campaign for the vegetables. God bless them.

November 3, 2007


I went to a Mary Kay party tonight and put full makeup on for the first time in decades. About once every five years I will put on some mascara but never the full blown foundation and all that. Here it is....


I came home and Todd didn't notice so I am not sure if that means I did it right or what. No matter, I didn't buy any of the face stuff. I am pretty satisfied with my face I guess. (minus the jowls) I did buy some thigh stuff because Lord have mercy... my thighs need help. hahaha

November 17, 2007

SNOW!! and other fun stuff to buy!

We don't have snow yet so I made some.

This is the mixing process. Easy as dumping water and the powder into a bowl.


Here is Ben as the final product falls down around him. So much fun! I can't wait for the real stuff to get here.


If anyone needs a gift idea for me and can't afford to send me to Tennessee for vacation, here's just the ticket. This LightWedge Reading Light lights only the page. Todd would appreciate that as right now he is subject to my bedside lamp as I make my way through my Obama books.

Not even kidding when I say I'd like some of these student driver signs. Some days it seems the boy has forgotten everything we've shown him. We have some of these colored flame candles to try later tonight. Right now it's time to go to a party. Maybe we'll take a couple of them with us.

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